After fifty years of marriage, routines had become sacred in this old couple\u2019s household\u2014especially the husband\u2019s. Every single morning, without fail, he\u2019d roll out of bed, let out a thunderous burst of gas, and laugh like he\u2019d just pulled off the greatest joke in human history. And every morning, his wife would shake her head and warn him, \u201cOne of these days you\u2019re going to burst your guts out.\u201d He never listened. After all, what\u2019s marriage without ignoring the same warning for half a century?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
That Thanksgiving morning, while her husband slept in, the wife was elbow-deep in turkey prep when inspiration struck. With a mischievous grin, she tiptoed upstairs, gently pulled back the waistband of his shorts, and carefully tucked in a handful of warm turkey innards. An hour later came the familiar sequence: feet hit the floor\u2026 the boom\u2026 the laugh\u2014until it stopped cold. A scream followed, then ten minutes of terrifying silence. When the old man finally came downstairs, pale and wide-eyed, his wife looked up from the kitchen counter as he opened his mouth to speak\u2026 \u2b07\ufe0f\ud83d\ude02\ud83d\udc47<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
After fifty years of marriage, routines had become sacred in this old couple\u2019s household\u2014especially the husband\u2019s. Every single morning, without fail, he\u2019d roll out of bed, let… <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":25554,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-25553","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"views":416,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/newsinbr.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/25553","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/newsinbr.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/newsinbr.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newsinbr.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newsinbr.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=25553"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/newsinbr.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/25553\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":25555,"href":"https:\/\/newsinbr.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/25553\/revisions\/25555"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newsinbr.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/25554"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/newsinbr.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=25553"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newsinbr.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=25553"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newsinbr.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=25553"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}