I bought my daughter Emily a giant white teddy bear, and it became our ritual for every truck trip. After she died, it was the only thing I couldn\u2019t let go. Last week, something inside it cracked.I used to think grief came with sirens and shouting. Mine came with mileage and coffee breath.Ten years ago I was broke, new to trucking, and desperate to impress my daughter, Emily. She was turning four and wanted a bear \u201cas big as me.\u201d On a dusty flea market lot outside Dayton, I found a huge white teddy with one eye slightly higher.The seller, Linda, saw my wallet and said, \u201cTen bucks, dad price.\u201d Emily hugged it and named him Snow. Like he was my whole world, too.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Emily turned Snow into a ritual. Every time I left for a long haul, she carried him to my truck, arms straining, and ordered, \u201cBuckle him in.\u201d I did, seatbelt across his belly.At night the cab hummed, and that lopsided face kept the loneliness from fully landing. When I rolled back into town, Emily sprinted down the driveway and snatched him up. \u201cSee,\u201d she\u2019d say, \u201che protected you.\u201d I\u2019d tap the bear\u2019s head and answer, \u201cGood job, partner.\u201dEven when she got older, she still packed him for me, calling it dumb. Her mom, Sarah, never liked the bear in the cab. She said it made me childish, like I needed a mascot to be a parent. Truth was, I needed anything that felt like home.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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