My 19-year-old daughter, Rose, has always been a bright girl. She excelled in school and earned a full scholarship to a great local college. She’s been living with me and doing well in her studies.
A few months ago, she started dating a new boyfriend who I don’t like. He constantly lets her down but masks it with a big smile and grand promises. Despite my warnings, they’re still together, and now she’s pregnant. I offered to pay for an abortion and take a few days off work to support her through it.
She refused. Instead, she’s decided to marry her boyfriend, and they plan to be one big happy family. She wants him to move into my house, and she’s planning to drop out of school while he works to support them. He’s a bartender who doesn’t attend college. When I laughed at the idea, she got really mad.
She told me that since he can’t move in, I’ll need to step up and help with the baby more. Honestly, she’s always been so sensible, I can’t understand where all this is coming from. I bluntly told her that if she thinks she’s grown enough to have and raise a child and get married, then she needs to move out and handle being an adult with the child’s father.
I’ve raised the one child I wanted to raise. I don’t want to take on the responsibility of another child living in my home. I told her I’d help by buying diapers occasionally and still visiting her, but this baby is not my responsibility. If she decides on adoption, which I doubt she will, I’d be willing to help her through that process.
She won’t speak to me now. My husband, her stepdad, is staying out of it but thinks I could do more to help. I told him he was welcome to go over and babysit for her if he felt that way, and that ended the discussion.
I had my daughter when I was 19 too. I was married to her father, who was in the military. Despite everything, I still graduated from college at 22. Things worked out for us until he died in service. I think my experience is influencing her decisions, but her situation is very different. Her boyfriend can’t even provide health insurance for her or the baby.
I don’t want a baby in my home, and I’m not going to babysit. I’ll do the usual grandparent things like attending birthday parties and buying gifts, but that’s it.
