If you’re with a man who doesn’t appreciate you, the most important truth is this: you don’t teach someone to value you by overgiving, chasing, or staying longer. You teach them through your response to being undervalued. The first step is to get honest with yourself. Ask whether you feel taken for granted, emotionally drained, or if he’s simply doing the bare minimum to keep you around. Don’t make excuses for his behavior — clarity comes when you stop justifying what hurts you.
Once you’ve acknowledged the truth, communicate directly — but only once. Tell him exactly how you feel, what you need, and what will happen if things don’t change. Be calm and specific: “I feel unappreciated when you [insert behavior]. I need [specific change]. If that doesn’t happen, I’ll have to reconsider this relationship.” Then stop talking and start observing. Don’t beg or argue — his actions after this conversation will tell you everything you need to know.
Next, stop over-functioning. If you’re always the one initiating, fixing things emotionally, or giving more than you receive, step back. Let the imbalance become visible. When you stop overextending yourself, he’ll either step up or the truth of his indifference will surface. Set consequences and follow through. If he continues to ignore your needs or shows disrespect, withdraw your energy — walk away from toxic conversations, pause intimacy, and be ready to leave the relationship entirely if nothing changes.
Finally, remember that his lack of appreciation isn’t a reflection of your worth. Some people simply aren’t capable of giving what you deserve. You can’t love someone into valuing you — but you can choose yourself. Be ready to walk away and mean it. If he only realizes your value after you leave, it’s his responsibility to prove change through action, not words. And if he never does, you still win — because you’ve reclaimed your peace. You’re not asking for too much; you’ve just been asking the wrong person.
