When my DIL got pregnant, they asked me to babysit her son from her first marriage, and I agreed. However, when I planned a trip, she snapped, “Only a selfish woman would choose her pleasure over a future mommy’s needs”. I smiled, but she lost it when I asked for money to become a babysitter for her.

Grand parents should be paid in both reciprocated services and money to prevent abuse. I pay for my babysitter (grandparent) to accompany us on family trips, drive grands to appointments, and cook for them when the services are provided locally. I feel that lower levels of detectable passion/pleasure form through obligation… Help the grands enjoy by taking care of your responsibilities.

Now she’s not talking to me, and my son is awkwardly trying to “stay out of it”. Apparently, I’m the villain for daring to have a life and not volunteering as free childcare on demand. I love my grandson, but I’m not a full-time nanny, and I don’t think it’s wrong to expect some respect, or at least a conversation that doesn’t involve guilt trips.

So, I’m curious, what would you do in my shoes? Am I being unreasonable for wanting boundaries, or is it time to stop helping altogether until they treat me like a person and not an unpaid employee?

Thanks Abigail for sharing your story! That’s a tough spot to be in. Family drama hits different, especially when you were just trying to help and suddenly you’re painted as the bad guy. From what you’ve said, it sounds like your DIL’s gotten a little too comfortable treating your kindness like an obligation.

Here are a few thoughts that might help before you lose your mind (or your relationship with your son).