I’m Olivia, 29, and I’ve been married to my husband, Travis (30), for a few years now. We don’t have kids yet, but we’ve always known we wanted to adopt. It was always a part of our plan. And when my sister-in-law, Alisha, found out she was pregnant, we didn’t hesitate to offer our support.

She just gave birth, and as we were talking about the future, Alisha made it clear she wants us to adopt the baby. I was overwhelmed with emotion; we were excited, nervous, but above all, we wanted to help. The thing is, she asked us to make a promise that took me completely off guard.

Alisha told me the real reason she’s giving up the baby isn’t because the father disappeared, but because she’s terminally ill. She doesn’t expect to live more than a year or two longer.

And then she said something that has been haunting me: she insists that we never tell the baby the truth about her illness or the family history. She said she doesn’t want the child to see her as a “victim.”

I understand that Alisha’s in a really tough spot, but I’m honestly struggling with this request. I can’t help but feel like she’s asking us to hide a huge part of who the baby is—hide a whole part of his family, his history, and the reality of why he was adopted in the first place.

I mean, what happens when the truth inevitably comes out? How do we explain it then? And more importantly, how do I make this promise to her when I know it feels wrong?

I want to support Alisha through this, but I also don’t want to set the baby up for a life of confusion and, eventually, resentment. Am I being too harsh? Is it wrong for me to want to be honest about the family history, even if it’s not what Alisha wants? I’m struggling to figure out how to handle this without betraying her or my own values.

Any advice would mean the world right now.

Thanks so much,