My husband and I are in our 70s and have a tradition with our five grandkids: we buy the smallest item on their wedding registry and then quietly gift them $40,000 the day before the wedding, hoping they use it for a house or something meaningful. When our youngest granddaughter, Eloise, got married last October, we followed the same pattern — we sent her an air fryer from her list and planned to give her the money in person the next day. But instead, she called us furious, accusing us of being cheap and not loving her enough.

Caught off guard by her reaction, I tried to explain the air fryer was just a token and not the real gift, but she didn’t believe me. She was rude, dismissive, and hung up on me. Hurt by her behavior, we decided not to give her the money. We later sent her a china set, but we no longer felt right handing over the $40,000. A week ago, she found out from her cousins that the money was real and called us again — not to apologize, but to accuse us of favoritism.

I told her calmly that it wasn’t about the gift itself, but how she treated us. Instead of owning up to it, she blamed wedding stress and begged us to forget it happened. She said she needed the money and even threatened to skip Christmas if we didn’t give it. Still, we stood firm. Respect matters more than entitlement, and we couldn’t reward such behavior, no matter how stressful her situation was.

Now, she’s following through with her boycott, and her mother — our daughter-in-law — has sided with her. We’ve helped Eloise financially throughout her life, including paying for college. She’s not in desperate need. We’re saddened by how this unfolded, but we’re not changing our minds. Our love hasn’t disappeared, and our door is still open. But this was a hard lesson about gratitude — one we hope she’ll eventually understand.