I’ve been married to my wife for two years, and we have a daughter together. My wife was married before, but her first husband passed away. She remains close with his parents, who have become involved in our lives, especially excited about our baby since their son was their only child. At first, their weekly visits and occasional overnight stays felt like extended family support, but over time, it has started to feel overwhelming and invasive.

The problem grew worse because they often talk about their deceased son around our daughter, sometimes making comments that make me uncomfortable. They’ve suggested my daughter resembles their son, and one even remarked, “If she’s this cute, imagine how cute your kids would have been, if only…” implying what might have been if their son were still alive. These remarks feel like they undermine my place in my wife and daughter’s lives, crossing boundaries that should be respected.

I want to maintain a good relationship with them, understanding their grief, but I’m increasingly uneasy about how they treat our family dynamic. I’m unsure if it’s unreasonable to ask my wife to set limits on their visits and comments. It feels important for me to protect my family’s emotional wellbeing and my role as a father without completely alienating them, as my wife still sees them as family and extra grandparents to our child.

People online generally agree that clear boundaries are necessary. Many suggest a calm, honest conversation with my wife and perhaps involving a therapist to help mediate the situation. It’s important that the former in-laws acknowledge our family now includes me and my daughter, and respect that my wife’s past, while significant, shouldn’t overshadow our present family life. Balancing compassion with firmness is the key to moving forward.