What you went through was more than hardship — it was abandonment at a time when you were fighting to keep your children safe. The fact that you and your kids built a stable life after that speaks to enormous strength, but strength doesn’t erase the hurt. It’s completely normal that seeing your father again reopened wounds you thought had scarred over.

Forgiveness, if it happens, doesn’t have to mean pretending the past didn’t matter or immediately welcoming him into your home. It can simply mean deciding what role, if any, you want him to have in your life now — on your terms, not out of guilt or obligation. You’re allowed to protect the stability you fought to build. At the same time, people can genuinely regret their mistakes, especially when they lose everything and finally understand what they gave up. The real question isn’t whether he deserves forgiveness, but whether forgiving him would bring you peace or just reopen old pain.You might consider a middle path: slow, careful contact. Meet in public places. Let him rebuild trust gradually, if you choose. Let him prove through actions — not words — that he understands what he did and wants to be part of your life in a healthy way. And it’s also okay if you decide the door stays closed. The decision doesn’t have to be made in one moment.