I (39F) have been married to Jay (41M) for almost 20 years. Since day one, I’ve been the one keeping our lives afloat. I work two jobs, pay the bills, take care of our house, and raise our autistic son. Meanwhile, Jay just exists.

He has a chronic illness, which I’ve always respected and supported him through. But the truth is, he uses it as a permanent excuse to do nothing. He won’t even try. If I bring up needing help, he acts like I’m cruel for ‘not understanding what he’s going through.’

I’m burned out. I feel like a single mom with an extra adult child to look after. Last week, I hit rock bottom and called his mom (my MIL) to ask if she could step in even a little. She refused, saying, ‘It’s your duty as a wife.’ As if my only purpose in life is to serve her son until I drop dead from exhaustion.

I told Jay exactly how I feel, ‘If you won’t talk to your mom about helping me, I’m leaving with our child. You can stay with your mom.’ He just stared at me, but still hasn’t said a word to her. He just mopes and guilt-trips me about how ‘unfair’ I’m being.

I know marriage is about supporting each other, but at what point is enough enough? I can’t keep being the entire safety net while everyone else sits back.

Am I the bad guy here for drawing that line?”