When my daughter-in-law welcomed twins into the world last year, I felt an overwhelming joy. Becoming a grandmother was such a dream for me. I imagined spoiling my grandbabies with love, hearing their giggles, and spending weekends basking in the joy of family. But I didn’t imagine this: endless nights spent rocking babies, handling dirty diapers, and stepping in as “the free babysitter” multiple times a week.

At first, I didn’t mind helping. I knew my son and daughter-in-law had their hands full. I went over a few times a week to babysit and help with housework. Sure, it was tiring, but it was out of love.
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venomdrop
week ago

Just remember you may need to wear diapers one day. Who will change them. Are you wrong for wanting boundaries, no. But later your children won’t be wrong for putting you in a nursing home either. Just something to think about. You may be the built in babysitter now, but later they could be the built in nurse aids.

Before long, though, it felt more like I was running a daycare than visiting my grandkids. No one ever checked to see if I was available. I’d walk in, and my daughter-in-law would say, “Here’s one baby, and the other is on the changing table. Can you take care of that?”

But I’m not a nanny! I’ve already raised my children. I didn’t expect to take on this role in my 60s. Every time I tried to set a boundary, she’d tell me, “You’re their grandma. This is what grandmas do.”

But I don’t think that’s what being a grandma is supposed to be. It’s about love, joy, and support — not just unpaid labor. I’m not supposed to be expected to drop everything, clean up messes, and run a daycare. I tried talking to my son, but he was always too busy.