I see so many letters written to you about parents having financial issues with their adult children. I have a similar story to share, though mine may come with a twist.

So, my wife and I worked hard in life to retire early with comfortable savings. Like we are not rolling in money, but what we have gives us a good life. Not just that, we have no debt, own our house and cars, and even put our kids, a son and a daughter, through college. All in all, we have no overhead, and neither do the kids.

Our daughter, Teresa, is well settled and financially secure; our son, Mark, isn’t. He and his wife tend to overspend and have fallen into debt a few times. Twice, we bailed them out. Recently, he racked up massive debt again. They go for vacations they can’t really afford and spend money like it’s water. He asked us to bail him out again, and this time, I said no.
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At first, Mark just smirked at me, saying, “If you don’t help me out, you’ll regret it later.” When I refused, firmly, he just stormed out, without saying a word.

The next morning, my DIL called me, hysterical: “Mark’s phone is switched off, and he didn’t come home last night. Is he with you?” I told her what happened, and she accused me of being an uncaring father. I was worried and tried calling Mark, but I couldn’t get through. By now, a million thoughts were running through my head: Where was Mark? Was he okay? I was horrified.

My wife and I were wringing our hands, wondering what to do, and then my grandson called, panicked, telling us, “Dad is back, but he is selling the house and cars.” We rushed over to Mark’s home to find him absolutely calm and controlled. He apologized to me, saying it’s time he “grew up” and behaved like an adult. His plan was to sell the house and cars, cover the debt, and then buy a smaller place with whatever money was left over. I felt a little guilty, of course, but also so very proud.

Finally, he was taking stock of life and taking active steps to correct his mistakes. I wanted to help, but I stopped myself. I just felt, this time, he needed to face the consequences and break the cycle.

Frankly, I just wanted to share this story to show that parents don’t always have to help out or guide children their entire lives. Once your kids are adults, the only way they’ll break the cycle of mistakes is by owning up to the consequences.

I just want an objective opinion. Was I correct in how I handled things? My wife feels I should have given Mark the money, but I feel this way: his life would now run smoothly, even though I feel just a little guilty.

Let me know what you think…