An elderly lady was riding the elevator in a fancy New York office building when a stylish young woman walked in and proudly said, “Giorgio Beverly Hills, $100 an ounce!” A few floors later, another elegant woman entered and announced, “Chanel No. 5, $150 an ounce!” When the elevator reached her floor, the elderly lady smiled, turned to both of them, and said, “Broccoli — 49 cents a pound!”

A wife was upset that her husband spent every evening at the bar, so one night he took her along. “What’ll you have?” he asked. “Oh, the same as you,” she said. He ordered two shots, downed his in one go. She took a sip, made a face, and coughed, “That’s awful! How can you drink this?” Her husband grinned and said, “See? And you thought I was out here having fun!”

A mom’s friend came over one afternoon, unaware her 9-year-old son was hiding in the closet. When her husband came home unexpectedly, the friend hid inside too. The boy whispered, “Dark in here.” The man replied, “Sure is.” “I’ve got a baseball,” said the boy. “That’s nice.” “Want to buy it?” “Not really.” “My dad’s outside.” “Alright… how much?” “£250.” Later, the same thing happened — this time with a glove. “£750,” said the boy. Days later, his dad wanted to play catch. “Can’t,” said the boy. “I sold them.” “For how much?” “£1,000.” “That’s not right,” said the dad. “You’re coming to church to confess.” At church, the boy sat in the booth and whispered, “Dark in here.” The priest sighed, “Let’s not start that again!”