I’m getting married in a month. Yesterday, my fiancé’s cousin messaged me, confused about what to wear to the wedding. The invitations we sent out months ago clearly stated the dress code was “formal,” so I didn’t understand her question—until she sent me a picture of a completely different invitation. That version listed the dress code as “black tie”.

It turns out my future MIL had sent her side of the family separate invitations. When I confronted her, I froze as she said that the term “formal” would make her relatives feel underdressed, so she changed it to “black tie” to “protect the family’s image.” She didn’t think it would matter much.

I was furious. Not only was this incredibly disrespectful, but it’s also going to create chaos on the day of the wedding. Guests will show up dressed for a completely different level of formality. I tried to explain, as calmly as possible, that what she did was unacceptable, but she accused me of overreacting and of not being inclusive of her family’s preferences. When I told my fiancé what happened, he said he had no clue, and he was just as shocked as I was.

Now I’m stuck. Should I send out a clarification to her entire side of the family to prevent confusion? Or should I let it play out and deal with the inevitable awkwardness on the day? My fiancé fully supports me and wants to confront her about it, but I’m worried that another confrontation will only escalate the drama. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. I’m exhausted and stressed, and this is the last problem I thought I’d have to deal with right now.