My husband (37M) and I (33F) have been married six years. Before me, he had a long-term relationship with Jess, who later had a baby (Kate) with another man. Jess passed away soon after, and Kate was raised by her grandmother.

My husband stayed loosely involved — birthdays, visits, some financial help — but he was never her father. When we married, it was clear Kate was not our responsibility.

Now everything has changed. Kate’s grandmother is seriously ill, and social services are involved. My husband wants us to adopt Kate permanently.

The problem? We’ve struggled with infertility and were only just coming to terms with child-free life or adopting a child we chose together. But now I feel cornered into raising his ex’s child — someone I barely know.

His mother has been relentless, guilt-tripping me with photos of Kate, telling me I’ll regret it forever if I say no. My husband won’t stop her — I think he agrees.

If I say yes, I sacrifice the future I imagined. If I say no, I risk my marriage and being branded heartless. I feel trapped.

Am I selfish for hesitating, or is my husband’s family crossing the line?