I’m 35, and my younger sister, who’s 29, got married last weekend. Our relationship has always been a bit rocky — she’s very focused on appearances, a bit of a perfectionist, and likes being in the spotlight. I’m the opposite: quieter, practical, and not a fan of attention. Still, I’ve always tried to be there for her. When she got engaged last year, I told her I’d help however I could.
About four months ago, she asked if I’d cover her honeymoon. Her fiancé had just been laid off, and they were short on cash. I’m doing fine financially, so I gifted her $3,000 for the trip — but I made it clear that I wanted it to stay between us. I’m not someone who likes to show off, and I didn’t want the gesture to become a big deal. She promised to keep it private.
Fast forward to the wedding reception, everything’s perfect until my sister grabs the mic. She starts thanking people, and then, out of nowhere, I freeze when she makes a “joke” about how I’m “finally useful for something” and had “bought my way into the wedding party by funding the honeymoon.”
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The guests laughed, but I was stunned and humiliated. I could feel everyone staring at me. She tried to brush it off as humor, but I was so embarrassed that I had to step outside for a while.
Later that evening, I pulled her aside and told her how hurt I was, reminding her that I’d asked her to keep the gift private. She dismissed my feelings, told me I was overreacting, and that I should “learn to take a joke.” I stayed calm but told her that after what she did, I no longer felt comfortable giving them the honeymoon money and that I’d be canceling the scheduled transfer.
Now, she’s calling me petty, saying I’m ruining the happiest time of her life over one silly comment. My mother agrees with her and thinks I should have just waited until after the honeymoon to talk to her, saying it’s wrong to take back a wedding gift.
Now I feel like I’m being guilt-tripped for setting a boundary after being publicly humiliated. Am I wrong for backing out of the gift after what happened?
