My ex-husband Ben and I were married for 13 years and have two wonderful kids. Even after our divorce five years ago, we’ve stayed friends and co-parent well.

When our eldest turned 16, Ben asked if he could bring his new girlfriend, Lisa, to the birthday dinner. I agreed, even though I’d never met her before. Lisa was warm and friendly, and I could tell she wanted to make a good impression.

During dinner, I was surprised when my eldest handed me a birthday card from Ben—something he never did when we were married. Lisa noticed my reaction and later asked if Ben was always forgetful about special occasions. I laughed and told her, “That’s just who he is.” She seemed disappointed but said nothing more.

Later that night, Lisa texted me. She wanted to know if Ben ever got better about remembering birthdays and anniversaries. I gently told her it was something she’d have to figure out with him.

Months later, Ben called to say they had broken up. He was upset that Lisa “made a big deal” about things like birthdays, which he didn’t care about. I simply replied, “That’s one of the reasons we divorced.”

A few days later, I ran into Lisa. She admitted she left because she felt unimportant. I told her she deserved someone who valued her efforts.

Her words made me reflect on my own marriage. I had accepted Ben’s flaws, but I realized that by doing so, I had settled for less than I deserved. Lisa’s courage to speak up reminded me how important self-love is.

In the end, it wasn’t about birthdays or anniversaries. It was about finding someone who truly values you. I’m grateful for my kids, my peace, and the lesson Lisa unknowingly taught me: never stop valuing yourself.