I thought finally becoming a mother meant my life had fallen into place, until one day alone with our newborn twins left my husband saying something I could never unhear. When I learned who had gotten into his head, everything in our home changed.I knew something was wrong before Brian opened his mouth.It was the sound of crying that had gone on too longOne baby cried in that ragged, breathless way that meant she’d been at it too long. The other made angry little squeaks between sobs. A bottle lay by the couch. Formula powder dusted the counter.And my husband was just sitting in the living room, elbows on his knees, staring at nothing.

I dropped my purse and rushed past him. Jade’s face was blotchy red when I lifted her from the crib. Amber’s fists were balled tight.”Hey, hey,” I whispered. “Mama’s here. I’m here. You’re okay now.”I settled Jade against my shoulder, reached for Amber, and looked at him over both their heads.”Brian.”He blinked like I’d startled him.”How did it go?” I asked. “Why didn’t you pick them up? I’m sure the crying was enough to remind you.”He swallowed. His shirt was stained with spit-up and something dark that looked like coffee.I knew something was wrong.